I am outraged over the unretouched pictures of Lena Dunham’s cover debut on Vogue that were exposed by Jezebel. OUTRAGED. Not because, as Jezebel intones, it misleads readers on what a woman like Lena Dunham really looks like, but because — and it’s not very feminist of me to say — I’m jealous. They airbrushed years off her face and rubbed out inches from her waist and she got to look fantastic for one and for all to see it forever. I can’t take years off my face, but the inches around my waist can be erased, albeit with some work. For that, I am employing the raw-vegan diet.

I should say that I’m not actually employing it; I’m experimenting with it. I’m not sure that I could fully commit to it, but I have a friend who does it and she’s piqued my curiosity; enough that I just bought $50 worth of raw nuts. My friend says it fills her with self-love and since she peppers all of her communication with smiley faces and hearts, I’m not going to question that. What I do question is how good it tastes and how satisfied I’ll be after a plate of raw vegetables without flesh or dairy.

So far I’ve tried three items.

The first was easy — kale pesto, which I got from rawguru.com, but tweaked it a bit.